Does anyone actually care ???

Does anyone actually care,

About my life and the things I share,

Does anyone actually care,

About the hard work I prepare,

Does anyone actually care,

About my skills and my creative flare,

Does anyone actually care,

That I write because I dare,

Does anyone actually care…No!

M.N.Prunty 2016 .x.x.x.x.

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I have found out over the past few years the answer to that is no… I was so proud of my accomplishment of writing and self publishing my first book and my second, they had their flaws and their mistakes but I was new to the world of writing and just wanted my story to grace the world with all its glory ahem…But no one else cared, a few friends brought the book and 2 were kind enough to review but everyone else just didn’t care, I would ask for their opinions and to review and the answer would be ‘oh yeah later’, but I knew the real answer was ‘oh its just Sades she wont mind if I don’t do it’. My family were like ‘Oh yeah that’s great well done’ but when I asked them to review it I get ‘Don’t know how or I haven’t actually read it…or the best one I don’t really read much’ I asked for support to author events or nights, and most of them were ‘Oh yes Sades we’ll come’ but none turned up other than my husband and my mum and my nan if she wasn’t watching my kids for me which was great because I would have looked like a twat otherwise with no one in the stands supporting me. What really got to me though was one family member telling me how they would come, that it was great but…And a big but could her friend who has just written a book join in, when I said I couldn’t say because it wasn’t me who organised it their attitude to me change, like ‘Oh I’ll try and make it’ but you guessed it they didn’t. And that hurt, that really actually fucking hurt. But throughout my whole life it has always been ‘It’s just Sades’. I have a sperm donor of a father who thinks contacting me every few years when he feels low is enough to make me want to have a father daughter relationship with him…er I think not… A lot of my friends (Not all) only contact me when their other friends have had enough of their attitude, they use me and my children because they have no one else to see and then when they make up with other friends we are dropped again and then when I decide the next time that NO I AM NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU they cannot understand why…Really you can’t see why? I am not saying I’m perfect I am not but what pisses me off is people using me all the time, I have a naturally nice nature and people always have and think they always will fuck me over because of it…well no more I’ve had enough and I will be cutting those people from my life.

Another thing that boils my blood is how all I need is a little support with my books, just a compliment or a ‘Hey Sades that book was good, I got my friend to read it’ or ‘I liked it but maybe change this’ but instead people don’t bother with me or the books I spend years and countless hours of my life working hard on and then later on try to get on my band wagon by asking me to help them set up their own author event, or trying to get me to promote their work but not bothering promoting mine back in return or expecting me to do things when not once has that person asked me about my work. Not once do people ever say ‘Hi Sades how are you? How’s your books going?’ its always I have an idea or I have a friend who has written a book can you read it and tell us what you think…No I won’t because you can’t do me the same courtesy.

Another new pet hate is other authors and writers, yes we all want the glory we want our books to take off and for fame to hit us large. But what really gets my goat is ‘Oh can you review mine and I’ll review yours’ I do them this courtesy and review theirs only for them never to respond back to mine or help me out. I review them or their books on my blog but they say ‘Oh yeah I’ll do the same too’ but do they? No…They take all the help they can get but don’t help in return, they expect everyone to follow and help them but no one helps me and I’ve had enough…if you want me to help you, you can bloody well help me out first and then I might consider it but from now on you come to me for help you can expect a certain hand signal in the face.

I know I am not little miss perfect but I know I am a nice person and people think because of that I am a pushover but deep down I’m cracking and getting ready to snap. Me and my little family have been through a lot over the past few years and people wonder why we struggle and get down. I had post natal depression which I hid from most people, I really struggled and I did back off from a lot of people but not one put two and two together and thought ‘She’s had kids maybe she’s down’ but when others have post natal depression people rally round and help them but with me … You guessed it ‘Oh it’s just Sades’. I have times now when I feel really depressed, I nearly lost my husband at Christmas in a scary horrific accident but not one friend was really there, a couple would ask how he was and they know who they are but the others decided then would be a good time to ignore me and my children and not bother with us. I had a massive shock, I was loosing my hair, my mind felt like exploding and I then had to deal with a temporarily disabled husband who couldn’t even walk up his own staircase without a hand but people still expected me to be ok. Well I wasn’t and my husband although he doesn’t like to admit it still struggles now and not only was it this we had to deal with but also the death of his father, who was let down by the NHS on despicable grounds and are currently being dealt with but this sent my husband into melt down and I had to try and pick up the pieces and fix my broken family. No one understands the struggles other people go through and I try my hardest to help or be understanding but others don’t do it for me…Maybe just maybe people should think about others and what they might be going through even if it is the quiet kid in the family who never said much, who was shy and blended in with the paintwork, maybe just maybe she is hurting inside too.

I love my family and the friends that care but the others well can do one…This is not AIMED at everyone and those special to me will know its not but I just want others to know that I do have feelings and that my work is important to me and friends and family just brushing it aside really hurts me and that’s why I don’t offer any support back in similar circumstances.

Rant over…But not that anyone cares because no one actually reads the shit I put on here anyway and I begin to wonder why I even write…Because no one actually cares. Thank you and goodnight .x.

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